Did you go to the grocery store in search of toilet paper and find this scene?
Fear of not-having brought out some people’s worst impulses. A neighbor went to the supermarket and saw a woman with several carts of toilet paper. He politely asked her, “Excuse me, what is all that for?” and she snarled, “IT’S FOR MY FAMILY!” true only if her brood was the size of Josephine Baker’s.
I have some in my closet, so admittedly I write this from complacency. But I have a solution for those who find the shelves empty. Learn the lyrics and melody to this ditty and sing it loudly — or if you can’t do that on short notice, play the video at full volume on your phone, then go to the next aisle, meander through the spaghetti sauce and couscous, and when you return, the shelves will magically be full. Try it:
If my magic doesn’t work, singing WIPE IT OFF loudly will keep people more than eight feet from you. What could possibly go wrong?
On a more serious note: this post may strike some as in bad taste, but laughing beats weeping or punching a hole in the sheetrock (aim between the studs).
Thanks to Lonnie Johnson, Clarence Williams, James P. Johnson, and Spencer Williams for their comic-spiritual uplift.
May your happiness increase!