“OFFICERS, I WANT TO REPORT A CRIME”: VALERIE JO KIRCHHOFF, ETHAN LEINWAND, RYAN CALLOWAY, T.J. MULLER, CLINT BAKER (Redwood Coast Music Festival, October 8, 2023)

There’s never been an episode of LAW AND ORDER that uses this 1935 tune by Sam M. Lewis (lyrics) and Pete Wendling, but we’re waiting.

As Valerie says, it was done by Red McKenzie, and in our time, by Marty Grosz.

While doing online research on it a few years ago, I was shocked, but in a good way, to find that it had become part of a video-game soundtrack. Why and how remains mysterious, but I dream of a generation growing up as Red McKenzie fans, no, addicts. Worse things have happened.

Valerie Jo Kirchhoff, “Miss Jubilee,” and her band, “The Yas Yas Boys,” performed this song at the Redwood Coast Music Festival last October 8. The band? Ethan Leinwand, piano; T. J. Muller, cornet; Ryan Calloway, clarinet; Clint Baker, double bass. And, as usual, Valerie lights up not only the stage but three or four surrounding communities:

There was more delightful music from Valerie and her Boys, and I am planning to share it with you. And they will be at this year’s Redwood Coast Music Festival, another reason out of several hundred to be there.

But back to MURDER IN THE MOONLIGHT for a few moments more. I studied Yeats for a long time, so poetry doesn’t scare me. But Sam M. Lewis’ lyrics make me say, “What?!” every time I hear the song. Who’s the perpetrator, and who’s the victim? One, both, all of the above? Consider this (taken directly from the sheet music):

Verse (1): Night / Someone’s holding me tight / Stars are shining so bright / Thru a velvety blue / Night / All the shadows are white / This may sound like a love scene / But it’s something real new.

Verse (2): Dream / It all seemed like a dream / First I wanted to scream / Then I couldn’t say “boo” / Dream / All the stars were agleam / And I heard myself saying / What am I gonna do.

Chorus: It’s murder in the moonlight, another mystery / I’m being killed with kindness / It’s love in the first degree / Murder in the moonlight, another robbery / Someone is stealing my kisses / Who’ll pay the penalty? / Circumstances make romances / The moon is playing his part / Someone’s glances and advances / Take away my heart / Murder in the moonlight, another mystery / Cupid has found us guilty / Of love in the first degree. //

Of course you could say I am making too much of this, and that Lewis and Wendling were at the Brill Building one day, cigars half-lit, ties half-tied, and one of them said, “My girlfriend made me this huge dinner and then gave me a big piece of pie. She’s killing me with kindness. What if we did a love song that was like a police report?”

This was not a new idea: Gus Kahn, Harry Akst, and Richard A. Whiting had created GUILTY in 1931, which begins, “Is it a sin, is it a crime / Loving you, dear, like I do?” and goes on from there. But I still find Lewis’ police-blotter approach confusing.

Maybe I’ll have figured it out By October 2.

But wait! Valerie and Ethan will be at the Scott Joplin International Scott Joplin International Ragtime Festival at the end of May into June: I can ask them between sets.

And, because JAZZ LIVES wants to make sure that no one goes away unfulfilled, here are the three pages of MURDER IN THE MOONLIGHT for those of you who want to entertain the neighbors or invite them to join in.

I look at this as my public service.

The verse:

The chorus:

I hope you all feel much more enlightened.

May your happiness increase!